My Humanity
by x0alessandra
Summary: Part one of a possible trilogy. Story picks up right when Damon kills Jeremy. Elena and Damon have a falling out, but Elena just can't seem to shake him. Will they blossom into something more, or is their friendship fall away forever?
1. Prologue  Revelations

"No!" Elena screamed as she collapsed at her brother's side. She picked his lifeless head up off the floor and cradled it in her lap. "What did you do!" She shouted up at Damon without even looking. She couldn't look at him, not after what he just did.

"Would you relax?" Damon replied calmly, leaning his back against the frame of her door.

Elena took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes up towards him. "Relax?" she sputtered, unable to say anything else. She was so angry, she could barely breathe.

A figure rushed to her side; it was Stefan. "What happened?" He glanced up to Damon. "What did you do?"

"Nothing."

Stefan frowned and looked at Jeremy. "Nothing? Damon, you killed Jeremy."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Three… two… one…"

Jeremy's eyes flipped open and he gasped for air. He coughed for a moment before sitting up and looking around. His eyes rested on Damon. "You killed me," he said, looking back down at his body. "Am I a…"

"Vampire? No. Sorry to disappoint." Damon pushed himself off the frame of the door and bent down. He reached for Jeremy's left hand and threw it on the boy's lap. "Still just a lonely boy I'm afraid."

Elena shut her eyes and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. She ignored Damon's presence and ran her hand over Jeremy's cheek. "Are you okay?" She and Stefan helped him to his feet.

"Wait," Jeremy said under furrowed brows. "This ring protected me?"

Damon winked at him. "Bingo."

Jeremy looked at his hand and made a fist. He shook his head from side to side, clearly fighting frustration. His shoulders sank before he marched off to his room.

Elena glared at Damon, who didn't even flinch. "How could you do that? What were you thinking?"

Damon crossed his arms and stood. "I was thinking," he said, leaning into her, "that he wanted to be a vampire."

Elena narrowed her eyes. "No you weren't, Damon. You were thinking of a way to hurt me for rejecting you."

Stefan raised an eyebrow and glanced curiously from his girlfriend to his brother. Rejecting him? What had he missed? He folded his arms across his chest, waiting for Damon's answer.

The sarcasm dripped away, leaving Damon's face vulnerable. "You always seem to have the answers, Elena. Answer this: will your brother be so lucky next time?"

"Get out," Elena spat.

"Happy to," Damon groaned before disappearing.

"Wait," Stefan said, cutting him off at the front door. "What the hell is going on?"

Damon narrowed his eyes. "Move."

"Not until you tell me what the hell just happened."

Damon took a breath and smiled impatiently. "Move it, little brother, or lose it."

Stefan shook his head. "So what… you're gonna shut down again? You're gonna leave me hanging again?" He sighed and rested his hands on his brother's strong shoulders. "Look, I don't know what's going on with you and Elena right now, and I don't think I want to know, but you can't just walk out of here and never look back. I know you want to keep her safe."

Damon bit his bottom lip and shook Stefan's hands off his shoulders. "No, you see, that's where you're wrong. I'm done protecting her Stefan. I don't care what happens to her." He pushed past his brother and rested one hand on the doorknob.

Stefan let out a frustrated laugh and turned to face him. "I know you don't mean that. I've heard this before."

"Maybe," he replied, turning once again. "But this time I really mean it. I'm done, Stefan. I'm done caring about her. You know what I realized tonight? She may not be as twisted and maniacal as Katherine, but they are more alike then you think."

Stefan shook his head. "You're wrong."

"No, I'm not," Damon said, wagging his finger in Stefan's face, his own face flooded with anger. "She's a liar and a manipulator; she's just like Katherine. The only difference is Katherine owns it. At least she admits she's a bitch. Elena… she's putting on this façade, and she's lied to so many people that she actually believes she's a good person!" He paused and looked at his feet before shaking his head. "I'm finished Stefan," he continued. "You're on your own with her. Good luck."


	2. Chapter 1  Empty Inside

Chapter One – Empty Inside

Elena spooned the last bit of cereal in her bowl into her mouth before putting down the paper. She shook her head sadly as she finished reading the story of the latest animal-attack victim. "Why was he doing this?" she thought to herself, closing the paper and folding it so that it was out of the way. She sat for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts.

She'd been missing him lately and she didn't know why. She should hate him for what he'd done, hurting Jeremy to get back at her. It was such a blatant, obvious attempt, and yet she couldn't hate him, and she wasn't exactly sure why. All she knew was she felt a hole in her chest, a hole that was once filled with the comfort of knowing he was there for her, the friend that she so desperately needed.

Elena shook her head and got to her feet, dropping the empty bowl in the sink. She had to talk to him, to fix this somehow. She knew she'd absolutely hate herself if she didn't at least try. At the end of the day, behind all the sarcastic comments and sadistic gestures, there was a vulnerable shell of a man; she'd brought that vulnerability to his surface again, and she knew that. She knew on some level it was her fault that he lashed out, so she had to make the first step. She knew he never would. He's Damon, and Damon doesn't know how to do anything else but shut down.

Damon spent the afternoon stalking around the living room, finishing the contents of whatever glass bottle he could find. Four hours and four bottles later, he found himself resting his head in his hands on his desk. He tried to finish writing the reports he owed Liz, but he knew that in this state of mind, he wasn't getting anything done except wallowing in his own self-pity.

He heard a knock at the door before it opened. Footsteps flooded the hallway and Damon braced himself for a confrontation he didn't care to have.

"Hi," a meek voice said from the top of the stairs.

Damon inhaled deeply before pushing his chair back and getting to his feet. He wrapped his hand around the bottle of tequila, lifted it off the desk, and pressed it to his lips.

Elena watched as he drank until he couldn't breathe. "Damon?"

"Whatever you have to say Elena, I'm not interested."

Elena raised an eyebrow. She knew what he was doing: pushing her away in typical Damon fashion, pushing her until she gave into his rudeness. "Funny, considering I'm the one who should be angry with you, not the other away around." She peeled off her jacket and threw it on the couch, stepping down the stairs so she was right in front of him.

"Angry would imply that I care… and Elena," he said, his face mere inches away from hers, "I don't give a damn about you."

Elena blinked as he brushed past her. She shook her head and smiled angrily. "You expect me to believe that?"

Damon raised his eyebrows. "I don't expect anything from you."

Elena rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. "Are you done?" she said, pursing her lips. "Or do you want to keep punishing me for loving your brother instead of loving you?"

Damon dropped his head back and laughed sarcastically. "Elena," he replied, coming closer to her again. "You give yourself too much credit."

"So you're saying you're 'lack of caring' isn't coming from the fact that, like Katherine, I love Stefan, and you're once again left alone and rejected?"

Damon felt his fist clench as he quickly closed the rest of the space between them. He glared down at her, his icy stare nearly penetrating her own. "I'd think twice before you go there."

Elena narrowed her eyes, holding her ground. "You won't hurt me, Damon."

Damon tilted his head to the side. "Keep testing my non-existent patience."

"You won't hurt me," she repeated, this time more sternly.

Damon held her stare intensely before finally backing up with a smirk. "Wrong, but here's the silver lining. You ready for it?" He placed the bottle of tequila on the end table. "You were right about me all along, Elena. There's nothing good left in me. No feeling, no emotion, no humanity. NOTHING." He blinked once before backing out the doorway and disappearing faster than her eyes could follow.

Elena felt her shoulders sink as she shut her eyes briefly. This was bad. This time, she wasn't sure there was a way to fix Damon. Maybe he was right: maybe there's nothing left inside of him. Emotionless.

Jeremy hoisted his backpack over his shoulder as he made his way to his favorite part of the park. He sat down beneath the large oak tree and grabbed his sketchpad. Staring out at the lake in front of him, he carefully began shading in the trees he'd drawn the previous day.

"Well, you're a regular Picasso."

Jeremy jumped and glanced up at the figure that had just stepped in his light. "Elena? What are you doing here?"

"Try again."

Jeremy's eyes widened as he quickly scrambled to get to his feet.

Katherine rolled her eyes and leaned against the tall tree. "Relax, little boy. I'm not going to kill you."

Jeremy smirked cautiously. "That's right… because you can't."

Katherine raised an eyebrow and took a few steps towards him. "You think that ring makes you invincible? Don't be stupid. It'd be so easy for me to slip it right off your bony little finger."

"So go ahead," Jeremy said, holding his shaking hand out for her.

Katherine laughed and pushed it away. "You're so cute," she said, glancing out at the water and taking a deep breath. "But how about I give you what you really want?"

Jeremy's cocky grin slowly faded and reappeared on Katherine's face.

"I can make you a vampire, Jeremy. You can finally be free of your lonely stoner-boy status, free of the pain of losing all those pretty little girlfriends of yours."

Jeremy narrowed his eyes as he listened intently to her every word. He considered her proposal, but found his gaze dropping to his finger. He finally shook his head. "No. You're just saying that so I'll take off the ring."

Katherine rolled her eyes and pulled out her fangs, causing Jeremy to jump back nervously. She ripped into her own wrist, drawing blood, and held it out to him as she tapped her foot impatiently.

Jeremy stared at the blood dripping down her hand. His focus changed abruptly to her face as he attempted to read her.

"Well? What are you waiting for? I'm not just going to sit here and drip all day." 

"What's the catch?" Jeremy blurted, toying with the ring.

"No catch," Katherine said. "Only good things for you. No more pain, no more feeling. You can erase it all."

"And you expect me to believe that you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart? What do you get out of this?"

Katherine laughed. "I imagine what I'll get from this is your sister and her boy-toys' panties in a bunch."

Jeremy looked down at the ring again.

"So… do you want it or not? I have things to do."

"Is it worth it? Living forever?"

Katherine sighed. "You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. You're your own boss, running around without any regrets. Does that sound worth it to you?"

Jeremy shrugged his shoulders, spinning the ring around on his finger.

Katherine rolled her eyes again. "Offer expires in three… two…"

Jeremy grabbed her wrist and brought it to his mouth. He sucked the blood from her veins until she yanked it away. The ring dropped from his finger and within seconds, Katherine's hands were pressed against his warm cheeks. With a flick of the wrist, Jeremy's head was sent spinning backwards. Down he went in a lump at Katherine's feet.

She stared down at her handy work and brushed her hands together. She reached into her jean pocket and pulled out Anna's day-walking ring that she'd stolen from John. She knelt down and slipped it onto his finger in place of the old ring, and with one stiletto-donned heel after another, she stepped over him and disappeared.


	3. Chapter 2 No Turning Back

Jeremy's eyes fluttered open as he gasped for breath. He glanced up into the sun and quickly shielded his eyes. He noticed the sun reflecting off his hand and stared curiously at the ring on his finger. He slipped it off and immediately felt his face burning. He cried out in pain and quickly slipped the ring back on, feeling a bit of relief. Had it worked? Had he turned?

He suddenly felt his nose perk up at the scent of something delicious. His eyes began to change form when they fell upon Sandra Beckman, an annoying freshman from his art class, lying on the grass in the distance. Jeremy felt a surge of hunger overcome him as he got to his feet and glided towards her.

Sandra jumped backwards and laughed when she noticed it was him. "Jesus, Jeremy. You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry," Jeremy mumbled, wrapping his hands around her arms and lifting her off the ground.

"Thanks," she said, brushing off her jeans. "Damn! I can't believe I ripped my jeans!"

Jeremy glanced down at the rip. Hidden beneath a flap of denim was a small line of blood trickling down her kneecap and disappearing behind the fabric. Jeremy felt his heart racing inside his chest as he watched each drip dribble down the trail.

"Jeremy? Are you okay?" Sandra put her hand on his cheek and lifted his face to meet hers. "Oh my God! Your eyes!"

Jeremy widened his eyes and quickly pulled her behind the shade of the abandoned lakeside storage house. He pressed his hand over her mouth to muffle her screams and shushed her. "I'm sorry Sandra," he said, showing her his fangs, "but I'm just so damn hungry."

"So how'd it go with Damon?" Stefan said, setting the table.

"Just as I expected it would go," she said, mixing the spaghetti together so that the sauce was evenly distributed. "It's really bad, Stefan. Worse then anything I've seen from him before. I don't think there's any getting through to him this time."

Stefan sighed and folded the napkins into tiny triangles. "What set him off?"

Elena stopped in her tracks and dropped the stirring spoon. She turned to face Stefan, who offered her a weak smile.

"Come on Elena," he said, sitting down. "It had to come up eventually."

Elena sighed heavily and carried the bowl over to the table. "We got into a fight and he took it out on Jeremy. You know how Damon deals with things."

Stefan narrowed his eyes in curiosity. "Why did you fight?"

Elena dropped her shoulders. "Honestly, Stefan, I don't want to talk about it."

"I understand, but if I don't know what set him off, I won't know how to fix it."

"It's not for you to fix," Elena stated firmly, frustration beginning to show through her tone. "This is between me and Damon."

Stefan raised an eyebrow and put his hands in the air, as if to back off.

Elena smiled and ran her hand over his hair. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just… this is something I need to fix on my own. You trying to help will only make it worse. We can't have another Katherine-like situation. Damon needs to learn he can trust me through me, not through you."

Stefan nodded. "I agree. It just scares me. He's made so much progress, then Katherine shows up and it all fades away. It's like she brings out the worst in him. I wish there was still something capable of bringing out the best in him."

Elena stared blankly into the dead space in front of her. "Yeah," she said softly, her voice nearly a whisper. "Me too."

"What are you doing here?" Damon said, his back to the doorway in which Jeremy was standing quietly between.

"How'd you know I was here?"

Damon turned halfway around and glanced over his shoulder. "I'm a vampire. I know everything." He winked at him and walked over to the window. He drew the curtain back and glanced out at the near-perfect spring day. "What can I do for you?"

"You need to teach me how to do all those cool vampire tricks you and Stefan do."

Damon laughed and turned to him. "And why would I need to do that?"

In seconds Jeremy was at his side, and Damon's smirk faded. "Because," Jeremy said, grabbing Damon by the collar and lifting him into the air. "I'm a vampire now."

Damon shielded his head as his back smashed into the antique mirror hanging next to the window. His body hit the floor with a thud. When he collected himself and began to process what'd just happened, he glanced up to see Jeremy looming over him.

"So," Jeremy said, folding his arms. "Are you going to teach me or what?"


End file.
